Now you know I mean it.

      So I haven't written on my blog in a while, not that I didn't want to. The last six months of this year have been filled with nothing but problems and stress. And has I've always tried to put up a good front to all my friends and family that I can handle anything, these struggles have tested me mentally and physically more than ever before. I've always told my family and friends that if it weren't for Faith and Courage I don't know if I could make it through some of these things. 17 years off and on of dialysis is hard enough and that's just the tip of the ice berg. When you repeat the same saying over and over it really does feel true. So has the years have passed and my health has been tried I have had to look Faith and Courage to take the next steps forward in this battle. But saying it was no longing enough, I needed a new source of renewal. Months ago I had contemplated having those to special words tattooed on my feet. Time passed and still I had not gotten the tattoos. Although, a lack of money was the main reason, a fear of pain didn't help. So has the holidays approached I was asked to dog watch for a friend and was offered $200 for a week of dog sitter. This offer finally gave me the extra money I needed for my tattoos. There was no doubt I was going to do it, but I suddenly wanted to change where I got it. Already having 3 tattoos I can't (back and outside ankle) or don't see very often, I now wanted to wear these tattoos loud and proud. A small part of me feels I've earned them. Now that they are done I love them more and more everyday.

All in all I'm looking forward to 2013 and a life a little less stressful.

No new Nightmares just another day!

    So I haven't had any more nightmares, not that my day aren't filled with fear and anxiety. I woke up last Saturday night with my new graft clotted only after 2 weeks of being in my arm. After speaking with the Doc he informs me that it can wait till Monday to be dealt with. Monday I go to the hospital wait to be fit in the schedule for a same day procedure. As I sat in the lobby of the hospital alone the fear of the unknown slowly creep-ed in to my mind. Not knowing if they could fix my arm let alone how they were going to do it. By 10am I was finely in a room waiting for them to come get me for the procedure. After yawning all morning the comfort of a hospital bed was a welcoming feeling. While enjoying my sweet escape to La La Land I felt a hand on my shoulder trying to wake me. The nurse informed me they would be here in a couple of mins to take me down to surgery. Quickly those feeling of fear and anxiety came rushing back. Once in the operating room I could feel the rush of the staff prepping. After about 30 mins it was all over and I realized I had been worrying for nothing. Very little pain and a working graft I was on my way to a better day.
     I still have other things with my health to deal with this week. Thursday I will be going to New Orleans for an evaluation to be on Ochsner's transplant list as well as discussing removal on old transplant kidney. But all things said I have plenty of Faith and Hope for better day to come. With the Love and support of  Family and Friends I know my Life is cherished and Loved. Thank you to those who have verbalized it.

Fingers crossed

I haven't been able to sleep other than a nap here and there for no more than an hour in the past 2 days. But as soon as I sleep long enough to dream I will post it up and maybe look in a dream dictionary to see if I can understand more about it. Mr. Sandman bring me a dream, preferably not with serial killers or demons thanks so much.